Almost all kids want to belong to a team. Even the ones who insist that they like being alone generally wish they could figure out where they fit and want to belong in a group. Kids want to belong. They need to belong. It's healthy to belong. But they need to find the right group in which to belong. Being part of a *positive* group can do more for a kid's self esteem than all the 13th place participation ribbons in the world. As coaches, parents and educators, our job isn't to make teams, to make kids fit in, or to push groups together. That's the military's job, and they do it pretty well and with good reason.
But we're talking about kids here - young minds, young developing personalities. Adults generally suck at getting kids to like each other, work together for the greater good, or bond together over much of anything - except maybe how little they like being pushed together. And if you want to have a group bonding activity, for goodness sakes don't call it that. Make it a road trip to a regatta, a weekend camping in the swamp, a visit to some weird museum or something where they have to figure out for themselves how to make it all go.
Our job as teachers, parents, coaches and mentors is to present opportunities - a sports or robotics club, scouts, choir or whatever the opportunity that comes from your passion or mission. Our role is to facilitate, build frameworks and present chances to succeed and fail. And then step back and let the kids succeed. The one exception is that we also need to step in hard and fast when we see bullying, exclusions and other negative behaviors. In light of the past couple of years, that's especially important. But generally, if we set higher goals and expectations rather than accepting the lowest common denominator, the kids will rise to it. Oh yeah, and sometimes parents do need to apply a 'gentle' nudge to make this happen.
And watch out for that quiet kid with glasses over on the side. One day they may come up to you and say "this is the coolest sport ever! I'm going to do this for life"
